Terror threat level set to ‘Extreme and Imminent’ after Cheney delisted

Premier Steven Marshall has put South Australia on the highest alert following the delisting of Kyle Cheney from the Adelaide Crows. As news broke earlier this evening that Cheney would not have his contract renewed, flights at Adelaide Airport were grounded while border checkpoints with Victoria were reinforced. Premier Marshall advised all citizens to remain … Continue reading Terror threat level set to ‘Extreme and Imminent’ after Cheney delisted

Gallucci’s Nonna fuming after discovering Pre Season trip clashes with family Sauce day

Adelaide Crows young gun Jordan Gallucci has today built up the nerve to tell his Nonna that he won't be able to make sauce day this year - a revelation that has left the 83 year old fuming. As is tradition amongst many Italian families, once a year Nonna brings the whole family together to … Continue reading Gallucci’s Nonna fuming after discovering Pre Season trip clashes with family Sauce day

Local strippers humiliated after being associated with Jack Watts

Several Adelaide based adult dancers have today been humiliated after scandalous revelations that they had performed for Port Magpies utility Jack Watts. Leaked text messages have revealed Watts' passions for swimming and the female body led to him contracting the services of some of Adelaide's finest dancers after his sides demoralising Showdown loss earlier this … Continue reading Local strippers humiliated after being associated with Jack Watts

Tyson Stenglein uses new found relevance to promote new business selling Isagenix

Former Adelaide and West Coast player Tyson Stenglein has used his new found relevance to ask you if you're happy with how your body looks and whether you'd like to buy some Isagenix products. Stenglein explained that he was pouncing on the opportunity gifted to him after the Crows today traded for Tyson Stengle. "Got … Continue reading Tyson Stenglein uses new found relevance to promote new business selling Isagenix

Josh Jenkins’ value plummets as AFL rule against extending size of goal square

Adelaide Crows key forward Josh 'Big Daddy' Jenkins has seen his contract value greatly diminished today as the AFL announced it would not be pursuing changes to expand the size of the goal square.  Jenkins, who's skill, speed and footballing nous often result in him being uncontested in the goal square was coming to grips … Continue reading Josh Jenkins’ value plummets as AFL rule against extending size of goal square

CONCEPTUAL ART PIECE, ‘MCGOVERN’ SHREDS MOMENTS AFTER SIGNING CONTRACT

SECONDS after signing with Carlton, Mitch McGovern shred into a thousand pieces as the conceptual art piece was triggered. Gasps were heard from the likes of Bendon Bolton and Stephen Silvagni as McGovern – a form of Dadaistic Art, born from a disgust for social, political and cultural order – became worthless to the 2018 … Continue reading CONCEPTUAL ART PIECE, ‘MCGOVERN’ SHREDS MOMENTS AFTER SIGNING CONTRACT