Report: 80% of South Australian’s aged between 19 and 25 fathered by Tony Modra

A stunning report by the Department for Child Development has today revealed that up to 80 per cent of South Australian children born between 1992 and 1998 can trace their ancestry back to a common father – Crows megastar Tony Modra.

Modra, who starred as a high flying full forward during the Crows early years, was famous for his exploits on and off the field, especially at well known mid nineties establishments including Heaven, Le Rox and the Royal Admiral.

“He used to walk in, go straight to the dance floor for about 10 minutes, and then leave with 10 to 12 girls”, said fellow Crows teammate Romano Negri.

While the report comes as a surprise to few, it is believed that the Adelaide Football Club will use it as key evidence when they lodge father-son applications for every South Australian player in this years draft.

“We thought Roo had a lot of kids. Turns out pretty much every talented footballer in this state is Godra’s lovechild” said Adelaide List Manager Justin Reid.

Modra, however, has cautioned placing heavy reliance on the report.

“The bloke you need to focus on is Nigel Smart. The guy was a lowkey savage after hours. Ever since he walked over hot coals the ladies couldn’t get enough.”